Thursday, July 5, 2012

The Embarassment of Short Thin Hair

When my hair was shoulder length I felt like I had hair. It could be placed into a noticeable ball or blown out to hang reverently upon my shoulders. Simultaneously, I always felt a bit of shame because my hair was so thin, and my hair line was approaching my bald crown. Somehow the round bald spot in the middle of my head didn't bother me, because I couldn't see it. Right now I find myself looking at pictures prior to this patch of hair falling out, or that patch of hair coming out in the shower, and I am longing for my hair. I think about how long and pretty it might have been, had it not fell out numerous times. If I had only made different choices.

Then I go on you tube and see all of these beautiful women with thick short hair, and full hair lines, compared to my shiny forehead filled long thin exposed neck baring shots. This summer I really wanted to have long thick hair to put into a pony tail and swing. I am happy that I have enough hair to twist, or twist out, but I miss my hair, even tho it was thin.

With short hair I feel very exposed, my eyes seem bigger, everyone always knows exactly where I am looking. My face gets all the attention, and people can see the back of my neck. Do you know how vulnerable it make me feel to know that people can see the back of my neck. even when I pulled my hair back, a pony tail always covered a portion of my neck. There is a breeze that keeps hitting me in the back of my ears where my hair use to shield it. I am wondering if my jawbone is always glaring at people behind me?

In order to cope with the feeling of nakedness, I started wearing hats, and Muslim people thought I converted. Since I am not trying to misled any religion, I kinda let that go for now. As soon as I get use to having short hair, perhaps my confidence will increase so that I can address the reason why I wear scarves/hats. Look for some styles with nose length hair as soon as I discover ones I like.

If you feel awkward after a cut, so do I. If you are on a growth journey and really thought your hair would be longer by now, so did I. In my opinion, we ought to be able to admit to how we really feel. yes, I like having thicker hair, but I look forward to a few more inches of it to cover a portion of my neck.

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