The devil was at the Barney's shoe sale luring souls to bad credit. Barney's had their annual warehouse sale at the Los Angeles convention center, and everybody's credit was at risk. All the things I mused about all year long were underneath one tent. Every designer hoar within 150 miles was there vying for what I wanted. They had Christian Loubution, Chanel, YSL, Mark Jacob, Barney's brand and more. It was a fiend fest. Ladies turned into screeching banshees as soon as the doors opened.
I spotted these diva shoes across the room in someone else's basket. Rule number one, you have no friends at a shoe sale, only competitors. I lunged at the YSL's and barely gripped them with my teeth. Get the behind me, loose those golden YSL stilletos with the basket weave pattern. I claim them in the name of Jesus. Is anything too hard for God? I been in the war too long, and I ain't tired of shoe sales yet.
Not knowing if they were my size, only knowing this was my last chance to have the coveted it girl shoe featured on the pages of Vogue magazine by all the supermodels. Determined to make it work, because gold is a timeless color. These shoes are an investment in my fashion future. I must be strong. Press toward the register
Another successful shoe sale, I fought and won, my credit limit has been tested. Now I can stomp on the enemies head. Do my victory dance in style.
If you go to the warehouse sale have a strategy, map out what your priority is. Look flawless, we are judging you. Today you are shopping with the pros, if you pause, someone like me will snatch your clothes behind your back. Anything you drop will be caught. Wear leggings so you don't need a dressing room. Grab everything you think you might want as soon as the doors open so that everyone has to take your left overs or trade with you. Scream and run to encourage a mob mentality, then quickly dart to the registrar with your score.
May you be at the registar 10 minutes before the amateur sale shopper, notices her stuff is gone. YSL's are sweeter when taken from Barbies basket. If you get caught just innocently claim you thought the shoes had been abandoned, and go after someone else. Happy shoe sale shopping, learn from a pro.
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